It can be challenging to engage with people about issues as personal as policies. So here are some helpful tips from scripture and from life experience that may assist you as you engage with Christians who vote differently than you.

Prayer and Reflection

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. Psalm 139:23-24

Before we do anything else, we want to search our hearts. Ask yourself:

  • What is motivating me to have this conversation? 

  • What do I want to get out of this conversation? What are my expectations? Am I hoping to listen, to share, or to change their minds?

  • What do I think about the person I am about to talk to?

  • What makes this conversation important to me?

  • What emotions do I feel when I think about having this conversation? In the past, when I’ve had conversations or emotions like this, how did I tend to act?

  • What can I do in this conversation to reflect my love for God and my love for my neighbor?


Listening

You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

James 1:19

Here are some tips on how to listen better:

  • Make eye contact (it is not enough to listen, you must also show you are listening)

  • Check your body language. Face the person with an open posture. Is your body language communicating that you are listening? Do you look interested? Do you look defensive? Adjust accordingly.

  • Paraphrase and summarize what they’ve said “what I’m hearing you say is…”

  • Ask good follow up questions (more on this later)


Sharing

But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.

James 3:5-6

Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!

Psalm 141:3

This is a severe way to describe our tongues and there are many more scriptures like these ones. It’s a frequent topic in the scripture because what we communicate matters. 

Tips on what to share:

  • Share personal stories. How have these policies or these politicians affected you?

  • Share the stories of people you know. How have these things impacted people you care about?

  • Share knowledge you have learned (in a humble way) “I learned that…”


Communication isn’t just what we say, it is also how we say it.


Tips on how to communicate:

  • Ask open ended questions and use words like who, what, where, when, and how. Ask what do they think about this policy? What do they think about this scripture related to this topic? How do they want to improve the world?

  • Avoid questions that start with why. Why? Because questions like that put people in a defensive posture. So instead of asking “why do you think that?” instead try “what led you to that conclusion?”

  • Use “I” statements. Start with yourself. “I think…” “I learned…” “I feel… when xyz policy has xyz impact” (This communicates you are taking ownership of your thoughts and feelings and you want to be heard.)

  • Likewise, avoid “you” statements. “You made me feel…” “You chose…” “You think…?” (Someone might feel they need to defend themself if they hear this.)


Remember

It can be tough having these conversations. Thankfully, we have some tools that can equip us to communicate with love and humility.

Here’s one last thing to remember:

All the people participating in this conversation are beloved.

Likewise, the political candidates you are discussing are deeply loved by God. They are fearfully and wonderfully made. They are worth dying for.


May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14